One concept I see frequently come up in discussions of polyamory and BDSM is that of the “One True Way.” I do not see that phrase much in conversations on swinging, probably because the topic, “Should single men be allowed to even exist?” consumes so much bandwidth.
In early December 2015, SwingBot went on an actual sex-might-happen date without me! The following is his description of what happened.
I travel for work, and recently I ended up in Austin, TX. While there, I went out on a date with a guy I know from the Internets (and when I say “a guy I know,” I mean “a guy who has sent me pics of his ginormous 23 year old cock”). It went… well, I didn’t get any, but I DID get to experience the life of a hot twenty-something by proxy!
SwingBot and I have been busy with dating sites recently. This was part of a little gripe-fest we had about such sites.
Yesterday was St. Valentine’s Day, hailed — and griped about — as the most romantic holiday of the year. Yesterday also marked my fourteenth “dating” anniversary with SwingBot (as opposed to our wedding anniversary). On this double-whammy of romantic days, what did we do?
SwingBot went on a weekend-long excursion somewhere a few hours away, while I stayed home alone. Not many people would call that arrangement very romantic, I suspect. Nor would they be charmed by the conversation I want to mention here.
I was a shy child who grew up to be a shy adult. More than once, my mother pushed me to take some initiative. She encouraged me to do things like invite my friends for sleepovers, rather than only going to ones they invited me to.
As an adult, I now appreciate that shyness is a selfish luxury. The shy person stands around quietly, waiting to be noticed and approached by the braver person who is willing to adopt all the burden of interaction. How many opportunities have we shy people discarded by not being willing to look foolish or face rejection? While I recognize this, I still struggle with it.
Another criticism my mother had of me was my lack of curiosity. For most of my life, I found this a ridiculous complaint; I was considerate… not prying!
No. Decades later, I finally understand. Along with sometimes taking the initiative to engage someone, it is good to express interest in the other person! Ask questions. Encourage the other to take the conversational spotlight for a bit. Fortunately, I figured out this skill long ago, but did not realize that this was what she meant back then.
What finally made me understand were recent experiences with a couple different very nice men.
SwingBot and KOH_HCl approve of the object of my latest crush… so much that SwingBot has teased me about cluing in said object about my crush.
I have a new crush… on someone I already value as a friend… who would probably flee like a timid forest creature if he learned of this development.
Right. Time to make an effort to meet someone new.
As I recently noted, I had a close brush a very unhealthy relationship. More accurately, I actively sought what would have been a bad relationship with a man I call CollegeCrush. Even knowing he had become a people-user, even having no respect for his values, even no longer finding him particularly handsome, I felt addicted to him. Only he could extinguish the torch I carried for him.
Fortunately, he did.
I recently had the humbling realization that I have long been harboring the cliche arrogance of “I can change him.”
This past week has been quite a rollercoaster ride of emotions, preceded by nearly two decades of uncertainty.
SwingBot and I have been perusing FetLife and OKCupid recently. Our visits to these sites tend to yield more gripes than candidates for folks we want to meet. One common issue is the hit-on message from the person with the incomplete or unhelpful profile.