Primary Partnership Risks

This was originally a comment in response to Couple Privilege: Your Thoughts? on If you have not read that post (or the blog in general), then I recommend you do so! The blog overall looks at polyamory from the perspective of someone not in a “primary” relationship, and the post discussed various problems with couple privilege. Since polyamory has traditionally been presented from the perspective of “couple exploring while wanting to protect their existing relationship,” this serves as a real reminder that polyamory is about individuals loving other people, not about couples dictating how a third can best accommodate them.

The post requested reactions to and views on couple privilege. I agree with the original post that couple privilege is an insidious and harmful issue, but feel that there should be some recognition of the risks inherent in being a “primary” partner. The following is my comment on that post.

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Blank Profile for “Discretion”

Some lazy dip (who could not be bothered to fully read my OKCupid profile) sent me a question about SwingBot and me. He asked about SwingBot’s comfort level with polyamory, never bothering to visit SwingBot’s profile and get the information there. Normally, I would have just deleted the message without replying, but I have been trying to answer my messages lately.

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Veto Power

Recent articles on Polyamory Weekly and SoloPoly have me thinking about one very important difference between good swinger practices and good polyamory practices: veto power. For a good and safe swinging experience, a couple would do well to employ veto power. In polyamory, though, veto power should be exercised with caution, if at all.

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Letting Jealousy Have Power

I have been listening to Polyamory Weekly, a podcast by Cunning Minx. She has a great speaking voice and plans her podcasts (too many podcasters just ramble), so I find them enjoyable listening. Also, she discusses matters important to polyamory, which, as she and other poly folk often note, are matters important to any form of relationship.

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