Will He Leave Me?

In case swinging does not have enough potential causes for anxiety — having to find compatible partners, performance anxiety, risk of STDs/pregnancy, being outed — there is a niggling worry in the new swinging couple’s minds: Will s/he find a better sex partner and leave me?

When SwingBot and I got together, I had had previous partners, but SwingBot had not. Early in our relationship, I often had mixed feelings on this fact. Without having previous experience, he was better than previous partners who had been experienced. I felt kind of badly for all the people who would never know how good he was and greedily lucky that he was all mine. I also harbored that little insecurity: What if he ever gets to try another partner and that person is better than I am? Years together eventually quieted that insecurity.

Swinging made the insecurity rear its ugly head again, though. So, I opted to face it directly. First, I evaluated it alone. I realized the following:

1. If all I was bringing to our near-decade relationship was a decent lay, then I really needed to start contributing more in other areas.

2. If sex was all that our relationship had going for it, then our marriage was much shallower than I realized.

3. If SwingBot would leave me just because someone gave him better sex than I did, then SwingBot was much shallower than I dreamed.

I felt more confident, but also felt I owed it to SwingBot to let him know that I had entertained such a doubt. He countered particularly by noting my third point. He also made a wonderful fourth point that makes a great quote:

“Why leave one for the other when you can have both? And together, even.”

Indeed.